Take Off Your Shoes

Like any American living in America, I wore my shoes in the house.  Shoes on the sofa, shoes on the bed, shoes in the shower, shoes in the backyard, then back in the house.  I didn't think twice about it.  Living in Japan opened my eyes.

Take your fuckin' shoes off, you filthy American.

Why? 

Because it's nasty--incredibly nasty.  It's like eating a poopy sandwich washed down with a cool, refreshing glass of an old man's urine.  It's THAT nasty.

Trust me, it makes a huge difference.  The soles of your shoes are covered in dirt, bacteria, viruses, dog shit, chewing gum, flesh-eating nano-bots, used condoms filled with heron-addict jism, HIV-positive cat piss, and hoof & mouth pig vomit (to name a few).  Do you really want that tracked into your house?  How can you protect yourself?  How can you protect your family?  They're all gonna die.  And you'll be responsible.

It's easy.  Take off your damn shoes!

I know.  I know.  It's a pain in the ass, right?  That's because you've got those retarded shoes with laces.  Who's got time for all that hubbub?  Trash those and trade them in for sleek, slip-on shoes.  I converted to all slip-ons, and I ain't ever goin' back.  Plus, I never really learned how to tie my laces anyways, so now I just killed 2 birds with 1 stone.  They're not that hard to find.  Skechers makes a bunch of different kinds, and they're pretty cheap.  Do it.  You'll thank me.

If it's one thing Japan has taught me, it's this.  I'm passing this knowledge on to you, and you don't even have to move to Japan to learn it.  Take off your shoes!